my name is eli. i’m a writer, creative director, and taurus rising. my satirical essay collection this won’t help is better when ordered in bulk. i’m a longtime contributor to the new yorker and mcsweeney’s. i spent a few years as a staff writer in late night tv. as a creative director, i’ve written and produced campaigns for amtrak downeaster, arcadia, brookfield renewable u.s., and many more. i’m done writing this now.